Sh!t Chris Says

Sh!t Chris Says

Who is ready for another edition of Shit Chris Says?!?!?! I feel like I should have a lot more material for this post that I do. Clearly I forgot to make notes in my phone and well, my brain isn’t functioning at 100% these days. I don’t even think it is at 50%.

–Chris and his friend J go to pick up BBQ at Landmark and ask me what I want. I said banana pudding, I didn’t want any BBQ or anything. It came in a cup like he ordered a to go drink. Like this…probably the 16 ounce one…Image result for to go styrofoam drink cupThe next day….

Chris: Did you eat all that banana pudding????

Me: Um. Yes.

Chris: …….

Me: I was pregnant with a craving don’t judge me!!!

Chris: Damn. Last night when I asked for it the guy goes “What size?” And I said “You have the pregnant special?” The guy says “I gotย  you” and hands me that huge cup of it.

Me: Well it was appropriately portioned for my craving.

Honestly it was a lot of fucking pudding. I am judging myself, but whatever.

–We were walking to the register at Bargain Hunt and Chris was carrying a baby swing that was already put together. Somehow it started to fold on him some and it pinched his hand. He was like “help me!!!” And being in a pregnancy brain fog I just grabbed for it not looking at whereย  his hands were and made it worse by pinching him in there even harder. I felt awful. ๐Ÿ™ Later that night…

Chris: My hand still hurts!!!

Me: I’m sorry baby. I didn’t mean to make it worse.

Chris: It wasn’t your fault, but now I know what childย  birth feels like.

Me: Yes. I am sure it was exactly the same thing….

Image result for eye roll gif

–We had an issue with our septic tank and it made a nasty mess. Chris was the one who stayed home while it was being fixed and had the clean up afterwards.

Chris: I guess it is good this happened when it did.

Me: Why?

Chris: Well after cleaning that nasty shit, I will have no problems changing our baby’s diaper. It will be like nothing now!!!

Me: Haha well that’s good!!! It was that bad huh?

Chris: I don’t want to talk about it.

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  • Reply Andrea @ Living On Cloud Nine November 15, 2016 at 8:28 am

    Bha ha ha…..childbirth=pinch…..poor baby! Hey at least he’s ready for diaper duty!!! Check!!

  • Reply Carly November 15, 2016 at 8:46 am

    ohh no, so sorry about your septic tank, but glad chris took care of it! And that’s hilarious about the pregnancy size of the pudding! Definitely don’t blame you for eating the entire thing!

  • Reply Lindsay Latimer November 15, 2016 at 8:50 am

    Hahaha aren’t you glad he know what childbirth feels like now?! Haha! Omg so sorry you had a septic tank mess. That sounds like a nightmare. Good thing he had to clean it and not you! I’d die!

  • Reply Stephanie November 15, 2016 at 9:26 am

    hahaha pregnancy special. That’s fantastic. Also, banana pudding? Ew…

  • Reply laura November 15, 2016 at 9:40 am

    Hahahaha yes — childbirth is definitely equal to the pain of a pinched finger. ๐Ÿ™‚ And props to you for eating all that banana pudding – I’m not preggers and I would have been all over it. And I so love you for giving me a kevin spacey gif — he’s my fave.

  • Reply SMD @ Life According to Steph November 15, 2016 at 10:10 am

    Ughhh septic.

  • Reply Kaitlyn November 15, 2016 at 11:05 am

    Haha that’s great. Banana pudding sounds delicious right now. I’m not pregnant and I could probably eat an entire cup too, so judge me lol.

  • Reply Audrey November 15, 2016 at 11:11 am

    Oh gosh, K would NEVER have cleaned up a septic tank mess. NEVER.

    The comment about a pinched hand = child birth… hahaha. Classic men. Hahahaha.

    (I have a post like this scheduled for tomorrow! Haha!)

  • Reply Mattie @ Northwest Native November 15, 2016 at 11:18 am

    So you may not have had a lot of material but all three of these were hilarious. I also love how they all tie in to pregnancy/childbirth/baby. I’m dying over him saying he knows what childbirth feels like now hahaha.

  • Reply Rebecca Jo November 15, 2016 at 11:39 am

    God just gave him a crash course in diaper changing… I think it all worked out for the best ๐Ÿ˜‰
    The pregnancy special – that is so cute ๐Ÿ™‚ … girl, eat up that pudding!!! I’m not PG & I’d want that same size myself ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Reply Teh Megan November 15, 2016 at 12:57 pm

    “appropriately portioned for my craving” <– me, never. lol

  • Reply Amanda November 15, 2016 at 4:18 pm

    I love writing down funny things Jordan says! This is too funny. Hope you enjoyed the pudding ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Reply Ashley @ The Wandering Weekenders November 15, 2016 at 5:30 pm

    Haha! And you should be eating all you want right now! You only have so much longer that eating for two is still relevant! And hopefully he’ll be the one that will be cleaning all the dirty diapers, right?

  • Reply emelia November 15, 2016 at 9:17 pm

    Childbirth….finger pinching…totally sounds the same hahahahhha oh Chris!

  • Reply November 16, 2016 at 9:12 am

    HA! That gif is everything! I’ve never had kids but I was eolling my eyes too. Too funny! That banana pudding sounds yummy actually, and love how he got a huge cup of it

  • Reply mandie November 16, 2016 at 9:47 am

    Oh my gosh, I’m dying here – pinching one’s finger in a swing is the same as childbirth…sure. Ha, ha!

  • Reply kathy @ more coffee, less talky November 16, 2016 at 10:38 am

    HAHAHAHAHA! yes, getting your hand pinched is exactly like childbirth LOL!!

    i love the ‘pregnant size’ — that should be a legit thing.

  • Reply Cara November 16, 2016 at 12:43 pm

    Oh my gosh I’m dying over the finger pinch comparison to labor lol. And it’s totally okay that you ate banana pudding for dinner, it has all the essentials! ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Reply Rach @ This Italian Family November 16, 2016 at 4:54 pm

    Yes… he totally knows what childbirth feels like now… ha!

    Also, the pregnancy serving size story was pretty hilarious! No shame, girl!

  • Reply Emily @ Martinis & Bikinis November 16, 2016 at 10:38 pm

    LOL Chris is too funny! Sounds like the septic tank might just be a blessing in disguise for you with the baby diapers!

  • Reply Bri @ North Star Girl Lone Star World November 17, 2016 at 6:39 am

    I love that he asked for the pregnancy craving size.

  • Reply kristen November 17, 2016 at 8:28 am

    bahahaha the childbirth. omg KC would have been so mad if i had made it worse for something like that. he gets ANGRY when he gets hurt lol.
    so basically Chris is changing all the diapers, right? hahahaha

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