Sh!t Chris Says

So, Amanda posted Shit that her boy says a while back and then turned it into a link up. I was super excited because Chris says the funniest most random shit all the time and I knew that his words would be blog post gold!

Voyage of the Mee Mee

BUT then I realized that if I posted have the shit that he says on here you people would think I was crazy for being married to him and he would probably end up in jail. SO….I had to keep a note on my iPhone of the stuff that I can actually publish that he says. Not near as much material, but let’s go with it.

– While we were in Gatlinburg after Christmas, every year there is a Christian group up there. Now I have nothing against Christians, I am one. However, you put thousands of Christian kids together in a touristy area and they will get on your damn nerves!!!! We were walking downtown one day and I think we had all had just about enough of these annoying kids. (They are teenage-aged kids.) There was a table with some items you could buy to support their group. One item caught Chris’s attention and it became the joke the rest of the trip. Chris says out loud to all of us, “I am going to buy one of those I heart Christian Boys tshirts and wear it around town. Then let’s see what these kids have to say.” We all just busted out laughing.

– We were watching Revenge and the episode ends. Some serious shit just went down on the show. I am in a little bit of shock and processing all the events that just took place. Chris looks at me all serious like, and I am prepared for him to discuss what we just saw. He looks dead serious at me and says, “I’m going to need a huge piece of brownie warmed up with ice cream and milk.” Then he gets up and walks to the bathroom. Seriously!?!

– Randomly one night, “Do you ever hear your butthole right before you crap on the toilet? It talks to you.”

– We were out shopping and we walked past Men’s Warehouse. I ask Chris if he wants to look in there for some work clothes. He replies, ” They guarantee the way I look….but will they guarantee the way I feel?”

– Chris pre-ordered a game at Game Stop. When you pre-order a game at some of these places, they display the case and take the game out and keep it in a drawer until they can give them to the people who pre-ordered. Chris is all excited to pick up his game and we get inside and he realizes he is getting one that isn’t wrapped. He is upset. He says not only to the cashier but posted to the Game Stop Facebook page:

Unwrapping a video game is like undressing a girl for the first time. When I pre-order something, I expect it wrapped.

-We are watching Pretty Little Liars. Chris screams at the TV: “I am ready to stop playing just the tip and get some answers already!!!!”

– This past weekend we hung out with one of Chris’s friends that he used to work at a law firm with. They were talking about how that firm was sort of “the bad guys” in most situations. Chris starts talking about a case and says, “There was this plant in one of those western states….I dunno…Minnesota…Wisconsin…something like that. Anyways, the plant was putting out asparagus. Wait. Fuck. Not a fruit. Asbestos. The plant was putting out asbestos.”

– Later, with this same friend, we were discussing TV shows that we watch and some of our guilty pleasure ones. Chris and I were talking about how we used to really like Vampire Diaries until The Originals came on and now we like it better. We all agreed the show has gotten to be a little far fetched. Chris says, “Travelers is where they have gone too far. That is stretching it.” Joe says, “Really?!?!Travelers is where they have gone too far?! Not witches? Not vampires? Or werewolves?” Then I chimed in and said “Hybrids isn’t where they went to far?!?!”

Chris wore this horse head in the car driving around downtown Gatlinburg. He kept sticking his head out the window. People were loosing their shit.


Oh the crazy shit that boys say…and do. I love him and he keeps me entertained on the daily!!! I am so glad I have someone who I can be silly and funny with. I feel like we are both always ourselves and it is wonderful! It makes life A LOT more fun and interesting!

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  • Reply Morgan February 11, 2014 at 11:27 am

    haha! Your husband seems like he keeps you laughing 24/7. That’s awesome!

  • Reply kathy @ vodka and soda February 11, 2014 at 12:25 pm

    BHAHAHAHAHA!! by far, the best post today! so much winning in this post. and he’s 100000% true about unwapping a new game (or any product, for that matter!

  • Reply Danae February 11, 2014 at 1:55 pm

    haha that Men’s Wearhouse one is hilarious!

  • Reply Lauren February 11, 2014 at 1:56 pm

    OMG the horsehead is terrifying! You should get him the t-shirt. And asbestos, asparagus, same thing, right? I never let my husband live stuff like that down! Good notetaking, my friend!

  • Reply Amanda February 11, 2014 at 1:57 pm

    ““Do you ever hear your butthole right before you crap on the toilet? It talks to you.”” BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!! This is GOLD! Seriously! My favorite so far!!!! I’m dying!

  • Reply Kelli February 11, 2014 at 3:38 pm

    I LOVE that horse head and the comment about the boys on the sweatshirt! To funny!

  • Reply Alyssa February 11, 2014 at 4:12 pm

    Hahaha! Your Chris and my Chris have a lot in common! (It’s scary but ten years ago WE were those annoying kids at church camp in Gatlinburg!!)

  • Reply SMD @ Life According to Steph February 11, 2014 at 4:25 pm

    LOLOLOL @ your butthole talking to you

  • Reply Ashley February 11, 2014 at 5:30 pm

    hahaha the comment about the butt hole is totally something that Kory would say! I could never talk about half the stuff that he says either because it is so ridiculous!

    Ashley, Married to the Game

  • Reply Angi February 11, 2014 at 6:16 pm

    I literally laughed out loud the entire time I read this. Hilarious! Especially about him wearing the I Heart Christian boys sweatshirt, he totally should have done it!

  • Reply Jordan February 11, 2014 at 9:31 pm

    The GameStop one definitely takes the cake! You’ve got yourself an entertainer there for sure!

  • Reply Jamie @ You Gotta Have Hart February 11, 2014 at 9:55 pm

    LOL I have to tell you.. asking if you ever hear your butthole before taking a poop is totally something that I would ask my fiance. Either way– your husband sounds hilarious!

  • Reply Gina February 11, 2014 at 11:13 pm

    Haha. Well he’s entertaining.

  • Reply Miranda February 11, 2014 at 11:19 pm

    Ha ha ha, these are insanely hilarious! The comment about the Christian boys shirt…I died. Too funny!

  • Reply Jessica February 11, 2014 at 11:35 pm

    hahaha these are great!! I love that you guys watch PLL and Revenge together!

  • Reply jackie February 12, 2014 at 3:12 am

    haha some classic man stuff here! jarrod watched pll with me and gets super annoyed there are never any answers either ha.
    — jackie – jade and oak

  • Reply Joey February 12, 2014 at 5:41 pm

    The Christian boy shirt one had me LAUGH OUT LOUD! Same with the brownie. I swear my husband says some funny ish but I like you I’d have to censor it for what was blog appropriate! Too funny!

  • Reply Jenni@FlyingonaRainbow February 13, 2014 at 1:41 pm

    Your husband is hilarious!! I have been chuckling all the way through this post!

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