I See You

I follow someone on Instagram, and she posted in her stories about this hateful comment she got on her Youtube channel. She had posted a day in her life video and some troll slammed her saying ” Omg this is so depessing..It is daycare! Not school. I’m sure she will have sweet memories of a frantic mother running around and not being present. “

I know the comment wasn’t about me, obviously. But it sure stung.

Words cannot describe how irate comments like that make me. First of all, when we refer to daycare/preschool in our house, we say school. Because Zoe is learning there. She is learning social skills, potty training, the alphabet, numbers, songs, motor skills, sharing, art….everything. I don’t care if it is “daycare” or “preschool” or whatever you want to refer to it as.

The fact of the matter is, we are a dual income household, and therefore, our daughter attends preschool full time. That doesn’t mean I love her any less than a stay at home mom. She loves her school and gets excited about going. She has amazing teachers who love her and teach her things in different ways than I do. I feel like it only helps her more, as she is learning many different styles of learning and teaching. She has so many friends there, and watching their relationships grow is the sweetest thing.

Also, I instantly felt shamed. Am I a terrible mother??? Because here is a bit of raw, honest truth. Pretty much every morning I am running around like a frantic lunatic trying to get out the door and to work on time. Have you ever tried waking a toddler??? They are like teenagers. Zoe tells me to go away, pulls her blanket over her head and ignores me. Stiffens her body so I cant even pick her up. And have you ever tried to get an opinionated toddler dressed? I swear she takes longer than me to pick out an outfit! And don’t get me started on the shoes. Dear Lord, send help! It takes about 25 minutes just to get Zoe pottied, dressed, and sort of ready to head out the door. And she has to walk down the stairs one step at a time, while asking me important life questions and getting philosophical on me. All the while, I am saying things like, come on…lets keep walking on down.

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Inevitably, I lose my temper some mornings and raise my voice. And Zoe raises hers right back with “Don’t yell at me, mommy!!! You’re not my best friend anymore!” And I can tell instantly that I have hurt her feelings. And I feel like shit.

I am sharing all of this to say, I see you working mom. Hell, even if you aren’t a mom, but maybe you get frustrated with your spouse in the morning when you are heading out the door and you aren’t as nice to them as you should have been. Or you fuss at your dog because they don’t do their business fast enough out in the back yard. I see you. I am you. We are all human, and life will wear on you.

The thing is, work is still going to be there when you get there. It isn’t going anywhere. Regardless if you screamed at your toddler or you laughed with her and sang a silly song while fixing her hair, you are still going to get there at the same time. Probably faster, because epic meltdowns take way longer than if you would have just let them go at their own pace to get that last shoe on, am I right?!?!

So next time you feel your patience running thin in the morning, instead of completely losing your cool, take a breath. Remember that mornings are hard, and your little one is just doing the best they can to get ready for the day. It is their day too. It is their day too. Let the phrase sink in for a moment. I know I will from now on.

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  • Reply StephTheBookworm October 22, 2019 at 10:51 am

    UGH! I HATE when people bash working moms. Most of us are working because we have to, and also some because we want to, too! For me, it’s both reasons. I am ALWAYS rushing around like a mad woman in the morning, but I also am proud for providing for my kids, even if it’s stressful. I am right there with you!

  • Reply laura October 22, 2019 at 12:57 pm

    You know I’m right there with you on ALL of this. Being a working mom is hard, and then we have to deal with the shaming from other people who don’t even know us. Ugh, you know I could go on about this forever, but I will stop. Love you!!

  • Reply KayLynn Stone October 22, 2019 at 2:24 pm

    Psst – they probably have their own screwed up whatever in their heads.. let me tell you what my daughter learned by watching her mom bust her ass to work, provide, make all the school meetings etc. She saw, and these are her words, a woman who loved her daughter so much she tried to do it all.

    She saw a woman who contributed to the household, have pride in herself to have a career. She saw a woman who knew she had more to offer than starched napkins and the whatnot. Not that stay at home moms are being knocked, I did that too for a while but it did not sustain me and my daughter saw me say I am worth doing what makes my heart sing AND having a house, husband (traded him out later) and a child.

    I know the words stung, but chin up. You’re showing Zoe that woman can to it and furthermore we deserve to

  • Reply Jess October 22, 2019 at 2:46 pm

    That commenter is an idiot, totally agree. Haters gonna hate? Ellie is full threenager stage. Yesterday, she took approximately 3 hours to get up the stairs when I asked her, because instead of walking up, she walked up one step, laid fully horizontal on it, on to the next, etc. And this morning I got really grouchy with her while we were trying to get out the door because once she got in her carseat, she wanted me to put her chocolate milk back inside. Then, she decided she wanted to hairbows out, even though I was just going to have to redo them once we got to school. So I had to go back inside AGAIN and search for the hairbrush, couldn’t find it, looked in the car, couldn’t find it, finally found it back inside the house. Things are tough, and we both get an attitude with each other because it can be so frustrating!

  • Reply kathy @ more coffee, less talky October 22, 2019 at 3:26 pm

    here’s some news y’all: the taking forever to get shizz done doesn’t stop, even when they are way beyond the age of needing help. sorry to give this awful news lol.

    at 11, Kayla STILL takes forever because she gets so distracted with other things like how can an 11yr old take FORTY FIVE MINUTES to get ready for school?! girlfriend doesn’t even have to put on make up or shower or do her hair with a flat iron – she literally gets up, dresses and brushes her teeth….but she gets distracted with something she found in one of her drawers, or a pair of pants that maybe she wants to wear a different way, does she want to roll them up? does she want to wear her bandanna OMFG HURRY THE EFF UP.

    and all those c*unty sanctimommies can suck a shit out of my butthole with all their nonsense and bashing. I refuse to feel guilty or shamed for working. Guess what, bitches? I was a person before having a kid, I am a person now with a kid. While I love motherhood and Kayla is my world, motherhood isn’t the only thing that defines me. Also, I want Kayla to be able to take instruction from other people, to be exposed to others, learn from different people because the more differences she faces, the better prepared for the world she’ll be.

  • Reply Andrea Nine October 22, 2019 at 4:39 pm

    Beautifully shared and wish I would’ve had this to read raising the boys when I worked full time 18 years out of their lives..ugh to have those mornings back and redo.

  • Reply Lindsay October 23, 2019 at 8:28 am

    This is great. Not a mom yet, of course, but I’m a freaking nightmare in the morning. I’m mean to jason, to other drivers, to myself. Such a good reminder!

  • Reply Audrey October 23, 2019 at 9:42 am

    That pressure is not something I look forward to… I grew up with two working parents. I spent time in daycare, with my grandma, and at a sitter’s house. I turned out just fine AND I think I have a good work ethic after seeing my parents hustle and balance life.
    People have made comments about how I can just bring my daughter to work when she’s born (since K owns the business and I have my own office). Yes, that’s physically possible… but no, that’s not the plan. I would get nothing done, babies don’t belong in a functioning office every single day, and I truly believe she’d benefit more from daycare/being with other kids than hanging out here. So I’m just waiting for the waterfall of shame I’m in for when I choose to not keep her with me. Plus, I LIKE my job and, while I’m sure I’ll struggle with it, I want that alone time to keep hustling and grinding, ya know?
    You are doing GREAT, Nadine! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I completely feel the shame and pressure you’re talking about and I know I’ll feel it more once baby is here. Sigh.

  • Reply ShootingStarsMag October 23, 2019 at 10:34 am

    People are just the worst sometimes. Some moms like to work, some HAVE to work, and it doesn’t really matter which is it. It’s their choice and there is nothing wrong with daycare or preschool – it’s obviously beneficial for Zoe and that’s a big deal. I don’t understand why moms like to shame other moms – like, focus on your own kid and your own life. It’ll be fine.


  • Reply Emelia A Lawrence October 23, 2019 at 10:44 am

    Thank you, thank you, thank you. When I returned to work from maternity leave I was part time, and I really enjoyed it. I cried so hard when I went back full time with my new career and felt like a bad mom. I thought I would MISS EVERYTHING! I beat myself up, but realize and now enjoy this lifestyle. Are there days I miss her? Hell yes, but the sitter sends us pictures and videos all the time and it makes my day. I love the days I get pick-up duty over Chuck because it makes me so happy when she runs to me all excited. I love that she loves to see her friends at the sitter and learn new things and get that social interaction. LIFE IS HARD, not just motherhood or parenting. People need to take a minute and BE MORE KIND! Thank you for sharing this, mornings aren’t easy in our house either and life can be hectic, but everyone does what is best for them!

  • Reply SMD October 23, 2019 at 12:31 pm

    Fuck that comment maker. Fuck her and fuck all women who don’t support other women. We’re all out here trying to live. We make it awful on each other FOR NO REASON. Stay in your lane, everyone

  • Reply Cara October 30, 2019 at 9:59 am

    First of all I just want to say I’m 110% over all the trolls around the internet. I’m beyond sick of seeing people blurt out their unwanted, unasked for opinions and thinking it’s okay to go around and bash people. Secondly, nobody and I do mean nobody has the right to judge someone else for what they’re doing for their family. Whether you’re a stay at home mom or a working mom or not a mom at all, it’s not okay for someone to bring in their opinions and make you feel like crap when they’ve never walked a mile in your shoes. You’re doing great and don’t let anyone else ever tell you otherwise.

  • Reply Sierra November 1, 2019 at 12:42 pm

    I love that you shared all of this. People who leave rude comments are the worst and obviously unhappy with their own lives, but words hurt, regardless. I can relate to all of this so much. I’m in such a weird transition period right now and still have mornings like this, often, even if I’m not going to work and we are just trying to get out of the house. Like you said, it doesn’t matter if you’re a work at home mom, stay at home, full time working, or not a mom at all, life get’s crazy. We can all support each other and try to remember to breathe in those moments.

  • Reply Kate November 4, 2019 at 1:00 pm

    THIS – ALL OF IT! THANK YOU! We refer to Serena’s daycare/preschool as school in our house too because she is in a curriculum based classroom and is learning SO much. It used to break my heart to drop her off there each day, but she is thriving, she is social, and she’s learning so much more than she would with me at home. I miss a lot of sweet moments, but know she’s in the perfect place for her right now <3

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