Let It Go

No, this isn’t post about the song from Frozen. But I mean, it sort of relates. Same theme, really. Letting go of your fears. Sometimes I feel like Elsa is singing a song I wrote. I digress. This post is about letting go of something I have been carrying around for almost 20 years.

I have my BBA in Real Estate. I don’t know if I have ever shared that on here or not. I have worked in real estate to some capacity since 2005 when I graduated college. Real Estate Marketing is one of the classes I was required to take. This class wasn’t so much about marketing, as it was more about psychology. And my professor had me pegged early on. He was determined to break me. I mean that in a good way. I think he saw my potential, but knew that I was someone who held back. He constantly called me out in front of the whole class, and let me tell you…there were only two real estate professors at UWG at the time. So I had him A LOT throughout my years for different classes. It gave me anxiety when I saw I had to take another class with him, knowing I couldn’t just sit in the back and never talk.

Anyways, the final for Real Estate Marketing is quite terrifying. You have to write out your fears on this wooden board, and break it with your hands in front of the entire class. That is it. If you break the board, you pass. If you don’t…you fail.

I spent some time deciding which of my fears I was willing to share with the class. But I also wanted to be true to myself. My biggest fear was not succeeding. I never felt like I was good enough. Not growing up, not in grade school, not in college, not as I was about to enter the work force. I let fear control so much of me.

I had a breakdown last Thursday. Zoe told me she didn’t like me when I had asked her to help clean up her room, and that was the last thing to push me over the edge. The truth is, it was a long time coming. I am sick of the pandemic, I am sick of the political atmosphere and all the vile hate going around, I am sick of sitting at home and not being able to go places, 6 months of our lives just gone with not much to show for. Knowing that Zoe is our only child, and we only get 18 years with her, and half of one is gone and all of the little things that we missed getting to experience. I just want to hug my mom, invite my sister in my house, see my friends in person, take Zoe to dance and let her have play dates. Those are all the things I thought I was upset about. I cried for awhile for all of those things and then after Zoe went to bed, I poured a drink and went downstairs to hang out with Chris and listen to music to unwind.

Then all the rest came out. I don’t even remember what came up. But then I started talking about all this stuff from the past. And how I get in my own way constantly. And Chris mentioned the board from my Real Estate Marketing final. I went upstairs and got it. I knew exactly where I kept it. I was holding on to it as a reminder, I told myself. But really, I was holding on to it out of fear.

I handed Chris the board and said, “This is everything you need to know about me.” And he looked at it and said, “No it’s not. This isn’t you. I don’t even know this girl.” And I just stared at him. And he told me all the reasons I am none of these things. And that I hold myself back. And he walked towards the trash can with this board and I freaked out and grabbed it back from him and said “What are you doing?!?!?! You cant throw this away!” And he said, “Let it go. This isn’t you anymore. You have been carrying your fears around for 20 years and it is time to let it go.”

I stood there staring at the board for a minute…..and then I trashed it. I am none of those things on that board. And I am going to stop letting my fear, my past, the things I make up in my head, hold me back. There have been a few things I have always wanted to do, and I am going to fucking do them. Because I can. Because if I actually just start doing them, I will succeed. If I stop being afraid and telling myself I cant, and just do it.

So I am putting this out there because you have to stop carrying around your fears. For me, it was quite literally carrying them around physically. I somehow feel lighter knowing that this board isn’t sitting in a drawer in my office.

You are good enough. You can succeed.

Chris made sure to take this bag down to the curb right after I threw it away, knowing like a psycho I could potentially go back and grab it out of the trash can. I watched the next morning as the trash truck came and emptied our can. Having no clue what they were hauling off.

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  • Reply laura September 29, 2020 at 9:03 am

    DUDE!! In tears over here!!! That is also not the girl I know and kudos to Chris for making you throw that away. I know that whatever you choose to do, you will be successful. Because that’s the Nadine I know. 🙂

  • Reply ShootingStarsMag September 29, 2020 at 10:27 am

    You got this!!! I totally understand having a fear of failure and all the rest. But I’m glad you finally got rid of that horrible board and that you’re going to try and face your fears and do the things you want. 🙂


  • Reply Biana September 29, 2020 at 11:31 am

    Nadine, thank you for sharing this. I know for sure that this resonates with so many people including myself. I bet you feel a huge weight lifted over you and I imagine that you will not let anything stand in your way!

  • Reply Lindsay Latimer September 29, 2020 at 11:49 am

    So glad you shared this post.

  • Reply Rebecca Jo Vincent September 29, 2020 at 12:29 pm

    We are all feeling the pressure of this year & I LOVE LOVE LOVE you have a spouse that reminds you that how you are feeling is OK – even more – that the YOU that you think you are – is NOT the person he knows. That is so powerful. I am so glad you threw that away… even more love Chris took it to the curb so you couldnt grab it – LOL… I feel that to my core though too.
    It’s OK to grieve what you’ve missed with Zoe this year – but try & focus on all the amazing times you’ve shared. Youll NEVER get all that time with her again. Focus on the blessing that is.. the things you’ve gained – not what you’ve lost 🙂 … I know – easier said than done. I feel that too.

  • Reply Danielle September 29, 2020 at 5:58 pm

    I have been feeling that way for awhile too. I just need to let things go as well. I am sick of this pandemic and spending a half year stuck inside. It is tough. I could have written this post minus the real estate stuff.

  • Reply Missy @MySh*ttyKitchen September 30, 2020 at 8:43 am

    First of all I lol’ed at your disclaimer at the end because the same thing would have needed to happen in my house! I teared up a little reading this, thank you for sharing. I struggle with imposter syndrome all the time, or as Kevin calls it, irrational paranoia. You are awesome and a wonderful mom and clearly have a good man by your side. Go after it girl! Fear is just not knowing the outcome. It is scary but it is better than not taking the risk!

  • Reply Audrey September 30, 2020 at 12:53 pm

    YES, lady. YES. This year is a shitshow. I feel like I’m merely existing and I hate that. Life feels paused, our jobs feel paused (we’re working but more than 80% of our events and trips are cancelled for the foreseeable future), everything feels paused. It’s frustrating. It’s like living in solitude. Which is more than enough to drive a person crazy!
    We should marry men that encourage us to be the very best versions of ourselves. Way to go, Chris! And way to go Nadine for facing those fears and tossing them out. Sweet sweet Zoe… such a strong girl with strong opinions. And she has the best mama to help shape her and teach her how to use strong words and feelings to change the world and make it better.
    You’ve got this, lady! Can’t wait to see all you do!

  • Reply Kristin October 2, 2020 at 6:26 am

    I think we all hit a breaking point once in awhile.
    Some days I wake up feeling great. Some, I wonder what I’m supposed to make of this weird life we’re living.
    And having a toddler around you 24/7 amplifies that feeling because I’m sure you’re constantly consoling *her* feelings too. (Same)
    Things WILL get better 🙂

  • Reply Anne October 4, 2020 at 4:28 pm

    I think we’ve all lost it at one point or another. It’s just. Too. Much. And we all have these fears – whether we’re strong enough to say them out loud or not. Anyway – SO glad you had this breakthrough, and that the fears are GONE. Take care of yourself…

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